Why I Attract Cheaters - 9 things to watch out for (So you don't get burned)
If there’s one strange phenomenon that people have noticed about cheating, it’s that it tends to happen to some people more than others. It’s a known phenomenon that can be seen in almost every community. You might know someone who’s been cheated on during multiple relationships. You might even be that person. Many people have thoughts... why do I attract cheaters? Why me? Life just isn't fair.
Did you ever wonder what makes people date people who cheat on them. After all, it’s not like people go out on Tinder in hopes of finding someone who will betray them, right? Well, you’re not alone.
If you feel like you’re cursed to date cheaters, there is news on the horizon for you. Studies show that people who get cheated on regularly tend to have similar qualities. By avoiding people with these qualities, you might be able to break your own “cheating curse.”
Cheaters have narcissistic tendencies and look for people they profile as victims.
Study after study shows that people who cheat often do so because they have narcissistic tendencies. They step out on stable relationships because they need to feed their ego, and place themselves first in a relationship.
Narcissists are basically prefabricated cheaters. Because infidelity requires a lack of empathy, arrogance, and a need for validation, narcissists are a perfect fit to the bill. This is also the reason why cheating and abuse tend to go hand in hand.
Many cheaters are also insecure, and seek out people who boost their ego.
Did you ever notice how many ugly guys cheat on beautiful girls? Or how often cheaters admit that they stepped out to see “if they still got it?” It’s not a coincidence. Serial cheaters often have affairs because they need to feel desired and being desired by just one person is never enough.
If you played the “charmed” person in the relationship, then chances are that you attracted cheaters. The same can be said if you tend to go after partners who show signs of serious insecurity. If you ever wondered do cheaters suffer, yes they can and do. We can say they've got problems, and are great at reeling you in and causing more problems for others.
Cheaters live for thrills, and often show it during courtship.
Do you tend to find yourself with partners who go for the whirlwind romances typically found in crappy dimestore novels? Are most of your exes thrillseekers and prone to reckless activities? If so, congrats. You’re seeing a trait of a typical serial cheater in real-time.
Cheating is a quick thrill for many serial affair-havers. It’s their way of getting their rocks off, with the risk of people finding out being a “sexy” part of the thrill. And there are some psychological facts about cheating you might not know about
Most cheaters also have an anxious attachment style, and will search for people who placate that need.
Anxious attachment styles mean that they never quite feel secure in a relationship. They often feel like they need extra security, like the person they’re with will eventually leave them. Many live under the assumption that justifying cheating is ok.
Some even get the idea that cheating is a normal thing and that they “might as well do it” because everyone else does. This is why studies show that people who were repeatedly cheated on in the past are more likely to cheat in their next relationship.
Serial cheaters also tend to lie about other things, and try to date people who will let it slide.
We are often told to avoid dating someone who is caught in a little white lie, and it seems like they were correct. Cheating is an act that’s literally built on lies, so it should come as no surprise that studies linked serial cheating to compulsive lying.
Gaslighters are known for having a higher propensity for cheating than others. If you used to let small lies (like their weight) slide, the chances of you getting into a relationship with someone who is bound to cheat skyrockets.
Jealousy is a common cheater trait, and they prefer people who find it cute.
If you’ve ever been with a cheater, chances are that you have been accused of infidelity at least once—even if they had no reason to suspect you. This is a psychological defense that is called projection. They try to punish you for the guilt they feel, due to the things they’ve done.
Unsurprisingly, projection first starts off as jealousy. Jealousy is not cute. It’s bad. Don’t fall for it. If you think you have a cheating problem and date people who love to be jealous, it's a slippery slope.
If you tend to pick people who are hyper-affectionate with you at the beginning, watch out.
Serial cheaters tend to have a certain approach when they try to find their next main squeeze. Since they tend to be very insecure, they often may choose to “love bomb” a person. This involves being super affectionate, showering a date with gifts, and just being the “perfect partner.”
When you are love bombed, it’s easy to get attached. It’s also easy to fawn over the person you are being love bombed by and feel like you need them. Cheaters know this, and often do this to “hook” a person in, hoping that they will tolerate philandering later on.
Cheaters often go for “bleeding hearts” who give them leeway.
Abusers and cheaters often target people who are unusually kind, forgiving, and understanding. The reason why is simple: they know they can play on the person’s sympathy in order to get them to tolerate bad behavior.
Think back to the last cheater that you dated. Did they blame their cheating ways on something you did, even though you never forced them to cheat? Or, maybe they were slick about it. Maybe they blamed their affair on a psychological diagnosis they had or an addiction they’re facing. Sound familiar?
Here’s how to make cheaters avoid you.
There is no foolproof way to make cheaters avoid you in the dating scene, but there are ways to make yourself unattractive for them. The easiest way to repel cheaters is to refuse to tolerate any sort of lies, abuse, or neglect. If a cheater thinks you’re too much work, he’ll bail. This will leave you open to meet someone who is actually worth your time.
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